Tango, as we dance it, is close, very close. Some people do not get this close when they have sex. So some decorum is required, some respect.

I first saw him mid floor touching Viv between dances. For those who do not know let me explain; when we dance we are very close, but between the dances we step back. We are still each others space, we can talk, but we do not touch. It is normal for the man to put his hands behind his back, this way although close we are not threatening. This guy was far too familiar. After nearly forty years together, I can understand wanting to touch Viv, but the dance floor is not the place.

The cabeceo is a way for the women to protect themselves against men like this, you simply do not return his gaze and so avoid the invite. I was not watching Viv all the time. My time was taken up with dancing and the three girls from Alaska who seemed taken with me (someone they could speak to I think).

Eventually I got a very strong nod from Viv and we danced a tanda together. She was ready to go home. It seems our touchy feely guy was pestering her and coming to the table to ask her to dance. Maybe the other ladies here refused to dance with him, I would not be surprised. She said when he danced he kept looking in her eyes. I had two options dance the next three tandas with Viv and mark my territory, so to speak or go and poke him one. Viv wanted non of this and said “let’s go”.

At least we arrived fairly early at Corrientes (one o’clock). Gratto was still open so we stopped and had some empanadas and chops (a chop is a small beer).



Filed under Argentina, Tango

5 responses to “Respect

  1. I totally agree with Jan on this. Being nice is not the way to deal with this. I actually think I know who Viv danced with, or one like him.

  2. tangobob

    You know that Viv is too nice to say or do anything about this. I suspect that others there already know of this mans antics, that is why no one else is dancing with him.

  3. I would have suggested that the milonga organizer be aware of this man. If no one speaks up, then others will be pestered. The Spanish word for “to pester” or “to bother” is “molestar” — exactly what he was doing to Viv. The organizer ends up losing business and doesn’t even no why, but the most important thing is that when you speak up, you have helped to protect other women from this creepy guy.

  4. jantango

    If this happened on Wednesday at Sueno Porteno, I’m not surprised. I’ve been told that it’s known as a good “pick-up milonga” by the men who attend. Viv was a new face among the crowd and a prime target for what goes on there.

    She needs to learn how to say, Este hombre es mi marido!

  5. jantango

    There’s a simple solution if Viv encounters this situation again. I know she hasn’t been reading my blog as she should be or she would have known what to do.

    If a problem occurs during dancing, all she needs to do is stop dancing and march off the floor. He will be publicly embarrassed and will be put on notice.

    If the problem occurs between dances of a tanda, she needs to step back. If he doesn’t get the message, a loud “NO” will get his attention and everyone else’s on the floor. Then she can walk off the floor.

    Perhaps the organizers of the milonga should be informed about the situation. They can tell the man he’s no longer welcome.

    Check the category “Codigos” for posts on handling these situations and others at the milongas.

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